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about today’s therapy session 26.07.2018 03:02:29

crps (formerly rsd) psychological pain psychotherapy complex regional pain syndrome therapist disability chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps depression therapy psychotherapist mental illness bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
After I wrote my blog last night, I stayed up for maybe an hour and then I crashed. I was so wiped out and knew if I fought it, I was going to get overtired and then sleep whenever. So I basically fell asleep by 2130. But fucking stupid pain woke me at 0100. Again […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

Painsomnia and Midnight Demon Friday 22 June 18 22.06.2018 08:41:49

bipolar depression crps (formerly rsd) psychache not6 complex regional pain syndrome physical pain suicide ideation grief chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps depression chronic suicidality suicide painsomnia mental illness bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality
I had started a blog on my laptop to publish yesterday but my brain kept getting foggy and couldn’t focus. I knew if I forced myself to write, it would come out crappy. Now it is after 2 am. I can’t sleep. Midnight Demon is out. Has been since 10 but had no writing urges. […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

What if I live? 20.07.2018 02:17:59

crps (formerly rsd) psychological pain psychache mental pain suicide attempt complex regional pain syndrome suicide ideation disability chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging hopelessness depression suicide mental illness bipolar disorder chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
What if I live? Been thinking seriously of ending my life in a few weeks. I plan dates. It helps me cope knowing I have some date to look forward to so I know the misery will end. Usually this happens in a state of despair when my pain levels are high and all I […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

CRPS Unpredictability 16.08.2018 06:33:25

crps (formerly rsd) bipolar depression complex regional pain syndrome mental disorders physical pain suicide ideation chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging depression chronic suicidality suicide painsomnia mental illness bipolar disorder chronic pain suicidality
About 45 minutes ago, I have no idea what I did. I was in my normal fetal position with my feet on top of one another. I moved my bad CRPS foot into the curve of my good ankle and it felt like I was trying to snap it in half. I cried. I screamed […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

One More Light 18.07.2018 05:04:59

crps (formerly rsd) psychological pain psychache complex regional pain syndrome physical pain suicide ideation chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps depression writing suicide bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
One More Light ****expressions of suicide in this blog are just that. I am blowing off steam, expressing myself because keeping it in hurts too much**** This song by Linkin Park recently won an award for something I cannot remember. I saw it a couple of days ago. I am not surprised as when I […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

When they say you aren’t alone but you really are… 03.07.2018 06:55:12

crps (formerly rsd) bipolar depression psychological pain worthlessness psychache psychosis complex regional pain syndrome physical pain mental disorders disability suicide attempt survivor chronic physical pain mood disorders crps hopelessness depression chronic suicidality suicide mental illness bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality
Past few months I’ve planned my ending. Now the time has come and it all comes down to me as to whether I go through with it. Sure, I unexpectedly got my pain meds that I waited 9 months for. But I am still in pain. Meds aren’t touching flares or making them bearable. My […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

Bad flare ruined my day 11.07.2018 05:38:05

crps (formerly rsd) bipolar depression complex regional pain syndrome physical pain mental disorders disability chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging depression chronic suicidality mental illness bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
I had another bad pain night. I had to leave the house early 1) to avoid the high heat and 2) to get my scripts. When my med alarm went off, I wanted to throw my phone. I honestly didn’t want to get up. I used the bathroom after taking my meds and brushed my […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

What I started writing yesterday and stuff I did today 23.06.2018 02:08:20

crps (formerly rsd) psychological pain psychache mental pain complex regional pain syndrome physical pain therapist suicide ideation grief disability chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging hopelessness depression suicide mental illness bipolar disorder back pain blog chronic pain suicidality
What I started writing yesterday and stuff I did today So this is what I wrote yesterday: I am so flipping enraged. Just came from seeing my pcp. He was interested in how I was doing with the med change. Jerk said he was extremely skeptical about opioids helping me at all. Well take this […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

Swear post warning offensive language here in 09.08.2018 07:38:33

crps (formerly rsd) psychotherapy complex regional pain syndrome physical pain suicide ideation cauda equina syndrome disability chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps psychiatry depression suicide bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
Swear post warning offensive language here in So about two hours ago, I was smelling something. Had no idea what the hell it was. I thought maybe a cord was burning, something was catching fire, checked all my wires and electrical stuff. Nothing. I go downstairs to see if my mother sprayed something, and it […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

Saturday Blog 7 July 18 08.07.2018 01:28:55

crps (formerly rsd) complex regional pain syndrome physical pain suicide ideation disability chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps depression baseball bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
Saturday Blog 7 July 18 This is just going to be free thoughts. Nothing really happened today other than I’ve had a migraine all day. It went away and then came back. My vision was blurred so I took meds before the pain hit then went to sleep. I’ve been in a funk. I never […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

painsomnia ramble 14.07.2018 11:19:28

crps (formerly rsd) complex regional pain syndrome physical pain suicide ideation disability chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging hopelessness depression writing suicide mental illness bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
Painsomnia ramble It is almost 0500. I have yet to sleep. I thought I would write to see if that would help me fall asleep. I went to have something to eat and as I turned to walk back to the stairs, my ankle gave out on me. I couldn’t bear weight on it. It […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

pained and pissed off 15.07.2018 02:13:58

crps (formerly rsd) complex regional pain syndrome physical pain suicide ideation disability chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps hopelessness psychiatry depression writing bipolar disorder blog psychiatrist chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
Pained and pissed off I didn’t go to sleep till 0700. I woke up around 1000. I sorted out my meds and as there was a threat of increased pollen, I took an extra Allegra. I then made breakfast and coffee. I was so sleepy after the coffee that I decided to take a nap. […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

8 Aug 2018 09.08.2018 01:01:26

crps (formerly rsd) planners complex regional pain syndrome physical pain suicide ideation disability chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging depression baseball bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
8 Aug 2018 I had a good session with my therapist. I told him about the saga with my primary care office. I had to nurses, both beginning names with B that I called bubbleheads because that is what they are. After we talked about those idiots, I told him about how my suicidality was […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

About Therapists 25.09.2018 21:50:34

psychotherapy psychological pain psychache mental pain suicide attempt schizoaffective disorder therapist suicide ideation grief disability chronic physical pain mood disorders ptsd blogging crps hopelessness psychiatry depression suicide psychotherapist mental illness bipolar disorder blog chronic pain suicidality
About therapists I have been thinking about writing this for a while, just an overview about the many therapists I have had from all different degrees and orientations. I started off seeing a school counselor. She was getting her degree in counseling, though I am not sure if it was as a school counselor or […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

World Mental Health Day 11.10.2018 04:54:02

psychotherapy psychological pain psychache mental pain schizoaffective disorder psychosis therapist suicide ideation disability ptsd mood disorders blogging hopelessness therapy depression writing suicide psychotherapist world mental health day mental illness bipolar disorder blog suicidality chronic illness
This is going to be negative but I don’t care as it is my lived experience: I’ve been in therapy since I was 15 because I self-harmed. Seen a wide range of therapists from social workers to psychologists to psychiatrists. Most have ended treatment with me for various reasons. I am now on therapist number […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

World Mental Health Day 11.10.2018 04:54:02

psychotherapy psychological pain psychache mental pain schizoaffective disorder psychosis therapist suicide ideation disability ptsd mood disorders blogging hopelessness depression therapy writing suicide psychotherapist world mental health day mental illness bipolar disorder blog suicidality chronic illness
This is going to be negative but I don’t care as it is my lived experience: I’ve been in therapy since I was 15 because I self-harmed. Seen a wide range of therapists from social workers to psychologists to psychiatrists. Most have ended treatment with me for various reasons. I am now on therapist number […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

I think I am the Energizer Bunny. I keep going and going and going… 28.06.2018 02:15:01

crps (formerly rsd) complex regional pain syndrome physical pain disability chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps hopelessness depression mental illness bipolar disorder blog cooking chronic pain suicidality
I think I am the Energizer Bunny. I keep going and going and going… I had set my med and wake alarm at the same time. One woke me up. I got a few hours sleep as my pain was keeping me up. My mood was too as I had hit the suicidal lows. I […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

PT, power outage, and other stuff 04.07.2018 00:27:52

pt crps (formerly rsd) complex regional pain syndrome physical pain disability chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps depression suicide mental illness bipolar disorder back pain blog chronic pain suicidality physical therapy chronic illness
I finally was able to sleep around 0430. My med alarm went off around 9. I wanted to throw my phone. I shut the thing off and was drifting off back to sleep. I caught myself and then took my meds. I went downstairs to use the bathroom. I washed my face and for some […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

Foot is driving me nutso!! 09.07.2018 06:46:26

crps (formerly rsd) bipolar depression complex regional pain syndrome ankle pain physical pain mental disorders suicide ideation disability chronic physical pain mood disorders blogging crps depression foot pain chronic suicidality painsomnia bipolar disorder transgender blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
I’ve been trying to sleep since 2100. My mother wasn’t up in her room yet. I called to see if she was ok as with the AC on, I can’t hear things. She was okay. Her sugars had stabilized. I got a blog that I read and wished I didn’t. It was about the lesbian […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

Still emotional, thanks gender dysphoria 21.08.2018 19:05:18

crps (formerly rsd) bipolar depression complex regional pain syndrome mental disorders living with pain gender dysphoria chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging depression chronic suicidality mental illness bipolar disorder transgender blog chronic pain suicidality mood disorder
My pcp is still a dickhead. I asked him if he would fill my female hormones and his nurse said sure what is it. I answered now I have to see the repro endo doc. He doesn’t want to do it. Fucking asshole. I’m still a wreck from yesterday and hate, absolutely HATE having to […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

NP idiot 24.10.2018 00:55:28

david jobes crps (formerly rsd) coffee complex regional pain syndrome physical pain disability chronic physical pain mood disorders crps blogging hopelessness depression writing suicide mental illness bipolar disorder transgender blog chronic pain suicidality chronic illness
I had an appt with a nurse practitioner that apparently got her license from a cracker jack box or maybe the Boston Globe. She was insistent on me having plantar fasciitis even though my PT ruled it out but didn’t I read the newspaper, not a medical journal, saying that plantar fasciitis is the new […]... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com

About suicide hotlines: My thoughts 05.11.2018 00:58:36

psychological pain psychache mental pain suicide attempt schizoaffective disorder psychology psychosis suicide ideation grief disability mood disorders ptsd blogging hopelessness psychiatry depression suicide mental illness bipolar disorder blog suicidality
About suicide hotlines: My thoughts some hotlines: Crisis text line 741741, National Suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255, Trans Lifeline 877-565-8860, Trevor Project for LNGTQ 866-488-7386 After a 9 year old that came out as gay to his friend and then killed himself, there has been an increase in sending out the suicide hotline numbers. While I know [&#... mehr auf midnightdemons7.wordpress.com